Parenting Teens is a challenge but one which comes with precious life learning. Here is something that i have learnt being a parent and translated successfully at work too!
Often heard comment from teen parents are:
………and this is often followed
by one loooooong sigh of helplessness!
I write this post to only
tell you – You are not
helpless – there is a lot you can do; not with your child but with
yourself.
Here I share another tenet
of teen parenting which I have discovered after having made umpteen number of
mistakes myself:
Your teen will not do what
you want her to do – she will
do what you expect her to do.
Let me explain –
Scenario 1:
You want your teen to
return by 9 o’clock from the get together. He returns at 9 o’clock – you are
ecstatic – the million parenting books you have read tell you about positive
reinforcement so there you go! “Great! you are home on time! Very
good. That’s being really responsible”
But stop there ! What are
you communicating? Your response says this (not in words though) – “I did
not expect you would be back home on time. I am pleasantly surprised!”
Now what’s wrong with that ? There are chances the kid will rationalize – my mum/dad did not expect me home – so it’s fine if I get a little late next time!
Scenario 2:
You walk into the room
thinking she has slept and you would switch off the lights. You find her glued
to the mobile screen checking on social media.
You have a choice:
1. Yell – switch off the lights – give one lecture (yet again) on the ills
of wasting time on social media while the world is waiting to be conquered blah
blah blah
OR
2. You may (act surprised) and say “Hey – don’t tell me
“you” are spending so much time on social media apps.” Its late!
You want me to switch off the lights?!
Now ask yourself in each of the choices that you make “What are you communicating about what you expect from your child?”
And then remind yourself :
They do what you EXPECT not what you WANT!
